You Ask, We Answer...Asexuality

Question: Can I be asexual even as a virgin?

Answer: What a great question! Thank you for your courage in trusting me to provide you with some information. The short answer is “yes,” but let me delve further. 

First, let’s define what does it mean to be asexual or “ace.” Asexuality is a sexual orientation where people have a lack of interest in having sex. It doesn’t mean that this person will never be in a romantic relationship or have sex. Sexual desire is a complex and individual experience. “Asexuality is an orientation not an ideaology.” For more information and to find support, check out the website for Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) at asexuality.org.

The Trevor Project explains that there are different ways for people to identify as ace/asexual because it is an umbrella term that covers the spectrum of asexuality. 

• Demisexual: People who only experience sexual attraction once they form a strong emotional connection with another person.
• Grey-A: People who identify somewhere between sexual and asexual.
• Queerplatonic: People who experience a type of non-romantic relationship where there is an intense emotional connection that goes beyond a traditional friendship.
• Aces commonly use hetero-, homo-, bi-, and pan- in front of the word romantic to describe who they experience romantic attraction to. For example, a person who is hetero-romantic might be attracted to people of a different sex or gender, but not in a sexual way. 

Finally, virginity is a social construct. A social construct is an idea or concept that society agrees on, but it is usually something that we cannot see. Virginity is often discussed as only penis-in-vagina sex, and doesn’t include any other form of penetration or intimate activity. Whether a person has a penis or a vagina, one cannot tell if someone has had sex by looking at their genitalia. Just remember, ace or not, you and your partner should take it slowly and discuss everything beforehand when preparing to have sex. 

Resources:

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | Asexuality.org, asexuality.org/. Accessed 12 Dec. 2022.

"SOCIAL CONSTRUCT." Dictionary by Merriam-Webster: America's Most-trusted Online Dictionary, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/social%20construct. Accessed 12 Dec. 2022.

"Understanding Asexuality." Just a Moment.., www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-asexuality/. Accessed 12 Dec. 2022.

"Why ‘virginity’ is a Damaging Social Construct — School of Sexuality Education." School of Sexuality Education, 16 May 2022, schoolofsexed.org/blog-articles/2020/04/2/virginity. Accessed 12 Dec. 2022.

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